You are precious. I cried like 20 times today because you are driving me insane. But I still think you are precious, and I’m going to focus on that right now, and nothing else because I want to live a long and healthy life, not one in the loony bin. I’m going to focus on that because I want to feel love and joy and happiness and have lots of the good stuff in my memory bank.
Eden, you tell me that you love me about 78 times a day. You say it when you are happy and when you are sad. You say it when you are tired or when you have to go to the bathroom. But I don’t mind. Every time you say, “Mommy. I love you,” I say it right back. Because I do.
Last week at church I told you how the primary children were singing about Adam, the prophet, and how he lived in the Garden of Eden with Eve. Later you were so excited to tell your big brother and sisters! You said, “Adam and Eve and and and they lived…in the Garden…of ME!!!” I can’t stand your cuteness, you’re killing me.
You are so clever. Such a smart girl. And you love it when I have you repeat that; you say it with such joy and enthusiasm, you look as if you might burst: “I am smaaaart. I am beautiful. I am impoe-tant. I am looooooved. I am kind. I am divine…” You have really started to belt out the songs. You love music and sing constantly. You have quite a repertoire of songs stashed in that noggin. When you catch glimpse of yourself in the rear-view mirror of the car, you say, “Look, I have loooong hair.” It’s quite an accomplishment. When your sister gets shy meeting new people, you always smile and introduce her by her full, formal name.
My Jane-y Pot Pie. You have taken to nuzzling lately. You made up your own perfect word to go with it. You work your way into my body and say, “mommy, you so comfity.” As in comfort-y. It’s the sweetest thing.
You are thoughtful and sensitive and girly. You want to look pretty every day, and by pretty I mean that you want to wear a dress so you can dance. (Imagine dancing without a dress on…nope. You can’t do it; no dancing in pants.) Your favorite is Cannon in D and you ask for it by name, daily. Classical music calms you. You are protective of your sister and will do what you think you can to help her out when she is sad or upset. Even when she is in trouble and we are taking her to time out, you say, “Be nice to my sister.” You love her. You are very good at pretending. You take it seriously and even your older brother and sisters can’t help but join in, whether you are “shopping” or “sleeping.” Whether you are a princess or a baby or a mommy or a dog, we have no choice but to believe you.
You’ve been here with me for three years now. But I know that you have always been mine, and I yours, whether I remember it or not; we have always been family. You are part of me and it goes so deep that I know that you always have been part of me and you always will be. Even after we leave the earth at our individual moments, we will still be bound together forever. I can sense that bond with you girls and it is intense and steadfast. I wish there were better and more powerful words but for now all I can tell you is this: I love you completely, wholly and deeply. I love you like mad.